Misterdibster • A letter about love to my imaginary unborn son

A letter about love to my imaginary unborn son

Dear son,

I am your father. From the future. No, I’m not Darth Vader but yes, at this point in time, this letter might be fictional because I haven’t got down to making you yet but it doesn’t make the things I’m going to say any less meaningful or less true.

It is February 9th 2011 and we are 5 light-days away from Saint Valentine’s day which is observed on February 14 to honor some dude by that name and somehow, tradition has it that this is the day where lovers express their love for others. It is a day where commerce and love is deeply intertwined but remember that you shouldn’t celebrate it because you have to but only if you want to and besides, everyday is already a day for loving.

As you are a product of my love for your imaginary mother and you might one day fall in love yourself, I think it’s important that I tell you some things about it to ease you into your currently non-existent love life. I am no expert and I have taken many missteps myself but this is my gift of love to you on this Valentine’s day so that you will not make the same mistakes I’ve made.

Let’s start with the simple premise that you WILL fall in love. Period. Maybe it’s a girl and maybe it’s a boy but the point is, you will, so you might as well be prepared for it. Though before you even start loving others, remember to love yourself, your mother, your siblings and me, your completely fictitious father, for these will give you the foundation from which you can give yourself to others unconditionally.

I think you should also know that you WILL get your heart broken. Maybe later than sooner but you can be certain that it will happen. In fact, if you turn out to be anything like me, this will happen a lot of times with each pain feeling different from the last and you will start to wonder if this is all worth it but just hang on there son, it will end well. Eventually. I think.

Anyway, let it be known that this excruciating pain that you will feel is beyond anything that you can ever imagine. You will lose your ability to think and your lungs will clench so tightly that you wish you were dead instead. The skies will always be in some shade of gray and everything in life, even those that once seemed sweet, will taste bitter. This heartbreak might come from an accumulation of many small cracks or it might be swift like the sudden shattering and collapse of a glass pane but when this happens, I want you to be strong my son.

Even after your heart has been broken into more pieces than you ever knew it was made of, I hope you continue to believe in love. Even when it seems that your heart is damaged beyond repair, still, you must mend that heart and love again like you’ve never been hurt before because if you want your heart to be alive and full, you must risk and accept this pain.

So now that you know these basic premises, you might ask how you will know that you’ve found the right person. For this, I give you Oscar Wilde’s words. “You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy things, but because they sing a song only you can hear.” Your heart will be the headphones that’s made for her soul and you will hear her song if she’s for you. Granted, the audio quality might not be so clear all the time so you need to listen very carefully.

However, remember never to be rude to those who do not sing their song for you or those whose songs are not to your liking. Do not diss the big girls or the ones who prefer mismatched clothes from five years ago and never ever say a bad word about any girl for karma will come back to hunt your ass down mercilessly.

But here’s the good news. One day, when the universe decides so, you might catch a glimpse of the perfect woman for you. She will be the one with a soul that sings so beautifully that you cannot stop thinking about her in your waking moments and the only reason you go to sleep is to dream about her. Her absence will mean more than the presence of millions of others and you might find yourself either losing all verbal capabilities or suddenly turning into a poet and when that happens, you know that you’ve met the perfect one. However, I beg you to not confuse this with ”the perfect woman” because she doesn’t exist although one that’s perfect for you does.

When you meet this girl, remember to tell her that you love her even when you are afraid. In fact, especially if you are afraid. It will be devastating to love and not be loved in return but to not show it will only make you live in devastation with a load of regret which as you can imagine, is worse.

Be foolish for the woman you love because if you’re not willing to be, you don’t deserve to be in love. Lower your guard and be vulnerable, share your dreams and fears, heck, sacrifice your dreams, travel halfway around the world for her, hold a boombox over your head and sing for her and never be embarrassed by it all for to be foolish is to be brave enough to love with all your heart. Anyway, you are too manly to be afraid to look foolish.

Along the way, never make a girl feel like she’s not good enough and always show her how special and beautiful she really is. Remind her that none of her scars can make you love her less and then prove it with your actions. Do not let expectations and jealousy pull you down and try your utmost to be an oasis of calm that she would want to return to everyday but most importantly, always be fully present for her.

However, if what you thought was the perfect union doesn’t work out, keep your chin up my son for there will be others. Again, if you are anything like me, it might take some time but I hope you believe in destiny. Take chances and date women who might be wrong for you, too old for you, too short for you, too pretty for you, too awesome for you and you might discover how wrong you were in the first place.

Know that there will always be another love out there but never the same love twice. The next girl will be completely different in every sense of the word so don’t impose baggage from your past onto her and don’t you dare use the same words that you’ve once told a girl to another because if she means that much, you will have words that are meant for her and only her. In the words of a friend, ”Don’t let your Antarctica dictate how you tell her how she’s your Europe.” Find the words for the feelings that you never knew existed until you found her.

You see my son, I write these words for you because I have spent many years of my life failing to do some of these and I wish for you to not make the mistakes that I did. My words are not canon and through your own practice and journey, you will find your own way to love.

Lastly, here’s the the most important lesson that I know of so far and I want you to know it too. Do not wait for conditions for love to happen. Instead, become the source of unconditional love yourself and that way, you will find it wherever you go.

Love,
Your future imaginary Dad